It’s hard not to compare myself to other people on the autism spectrum. At times when I struggle with this, I forget that the autism spectrum is just that, a SPECTRUM. Abilities and symptoms are different for each person. As the saying goes, ‘if you know someone with autism, you know one person with autism.’ As someone who was diagnosed fairly young for a girl, I wonder if maybe I’m not as good at hiding my autism symptoms and blending in with the rest of society. Do people look at me and automatically think that my needs are greater than others? For many people with autism who don’t identify as cisgender men, there is a great desire to blend in and come off as average or as neurotypical as possible. If I feel like people can tell that I’m autistic, then I don’t feel like I’m doing a good job of blending in and being ‘normal.’ I’ve been going to therapy and working on behavioral and social issues for more than 11 years, and I still struggle with some of the same things that I had trouble with when I was 13 years-old and just starting therapy. Then, I see people who only recently started therapy to address their autism symptoms and they pick up on the skills and tools so fast. It’s like being around that one kid that was always good at everything and caught on to anything with ease. Comparing yourself to anyone is not exactly the best habit, but I’m not sure it’s something that ever fully goes away. It’s fluent. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is compare myself to others, but sometimes it doesn’t even cross my mind. It’s important to practice regulating comparison, just like in therapy you might practice regulating anger or impulsivity, so you don’t build up resentment and get down on yourself. When I find myself starting to compare myself to others, I try to change my perspective repetitiously. Almost anyone with autism will tell you that, for an autistic person, it is extremely difficult to see and consider other perspectives. Whenever some gives me a different perspective to a difficult situation, I write down what they tell me, so I can repeat it to myself whenever I need to until I’m able to believe it. Sometimes I even write down different perspectives that I come up with myself. When I start thinking that other people are better at hiding their symptoms than I am because they were diagnosed much later in life, I change my thinking. I can remind myself that people diagnosed later in life have had to struggle for longer without having their needs met. In a way, society has failed them for much longer. When I start feeling bad about myself because I see someone making greater progress than me at a faster pace, I remind myself that some of my symptoms may present more intense than some other people’s symptoms. This also means that they may have some symptoms that I don’t even have. I get that these are still comparisons, but my intention with these thoughts is not meant to make me feel better than other people, or to put other people down. Instead, this is my way of reminding myself that I am not the only one struggling; that everyone makes their own progress and has their own setbacks, and it looks different for everyone.
Here are some helpful readings on changing negative thinking:
- KAM
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